I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's blow job season.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
