god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
