They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
