the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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