doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
