He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
