also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
