the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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