high people should be assigned attendants
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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