He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
