Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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