Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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