I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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