Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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