Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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