I'm gonna have a badass scar
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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