my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
