I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there is glitter all over my balls
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
