she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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