census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
