Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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