I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
