i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
