Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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