Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
