There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
