DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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