I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
