So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
