You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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