Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
