Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
