He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
