Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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