OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
two words: eviction party
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My vagina is very pro this idea
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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