i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
no, he came in my armpit
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
