so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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