Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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