I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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