I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
