I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
