how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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