He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize