Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
