I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
