she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
