I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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