Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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