ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
