You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
