is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
