Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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