So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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