Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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