So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
