So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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