i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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