Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
