It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
