Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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