He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
