So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
