I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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