Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize