Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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