chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
her facebook's as public as her vagina
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
