Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
