who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
