I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
