her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize