You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
