if i can run in heels then i can drive
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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