i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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