I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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