Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
