You just made me feel so damn special
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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