She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
