Where did you get a picture of my penis
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
