watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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