so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
