I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it because I queefed?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
