I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
