she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How external is "for external use only"?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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