i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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