if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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