oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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