the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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