i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
