bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Semen is not good for contacts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
