You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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