guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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