he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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