I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am naked and annoyed.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
