I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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