I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
