I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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