I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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